Gazpacho Soup Night
by enigma-kar
Summary: Just as it says, this tells exactly what happened that night when Rimmer was invited to dine at the Captain's table.


**Disclaimer: **I do not own any of the Characters below...sadly. :(

_Just a little fic, telling exactly what happened that night on the 25th of November. I'm not sure if this has been written in any of the Red Dwarf books, as I haven't read them all (yet). If it is, I assure you the below is entirly my own work._

_This is my first Red Dwarf fic, and I'd love to know what you think about it. Thank you and enjoy! :)_

* * *

Arnold Judas Rimmer (BSc, SSc) straightened his long service medals for the umpteenth time and looked at himself in the mirror.

_This is it. The 25__th__ of November. _He thought to himself, smugly. _Tonight's the night!_ He smiled confidently and took a step back from the mirror to practise the Rimmer Salute.

_Definitely the Double Rimmer. _He decided after a few minutes of silent debate and practised a few more times, careful not to strain his wrists too much.

Rimmer straightened his medals one last time, before Holly announced it was time for him to make his way to the Captain's Dining Area.

* * * * *

"Now," Captain Frank Hollister announced to the highest ranked officers aboard Red Dwarf, "I've invited Second Technician Arnold Rimmer to dine with us tonight."

"Bonehead Rimmer?" Todhunter exclaimed. "But sir, Rimmer is the biggest SmegHead on board this ship."

"He is." The Captain agreed.

"Then why did you invite him to dinner?"

"I just want to get his hopes up, and then crush them all, again." The Captain smiled and the five officers seated in front of him, laughed; only stopping when Rimmer, himself, entered the room totally unaware of what they were all laughing at.

"Good evening, sirs." Rimmer said, somewhat grandly, before halting and performing the Double Rimmer Salute.

"Rimmer!" Hollister greeted him with a smile at minute or two later, when Rimmer's salute was completed. "It's wonderful you could make it!"

"No trouble at all, sir." He said, taking his seat, next to the Captain.

"Waiter!" Hollister called out and a moment later bowls of Gazpacho Soup were placed in front of everyone.

"Dig in, everyone." Hollister invited, picking up his spoon.

Rimmer smiled happily around at everyone and tried the soup. He nearly spat it back out again; it was stone cold! He glanced around the table. Nobody else seemed to have a problem with theirs. Shaking his head at the chef's obvious mistake, Rimmer called over the waiter.

"Look, matey, my soup is stone cold. Tell the chef I want it taken away and brought back hot!"

The waiter looked slightly puzzled, but took the bowl away. Rimmer nodded, satisfied with the service and turned to the Captain. "Chef's these day, eh?" he said and the whole table erupted with laughter. Thinking they were laughing at the waiter, Rimmer joined in too.

"They can't get anything right, can they?" he said, resulting in more laughter.

The waiter returned a few moments later, placing the hot Gazpacho Soup in front of Rimmer, resulting in even more sniggers from the officers around the table.

To everyone, other than Rimmer himself, the waiter appeared to be highly amused.

"Hmm, much better." Rimmer declared after taking another spoonful. "It's good to know you can get good service around here."

It took all of Captain Hollister's will power not to groan. He was genuinely surprised Rimmer had made it this far.

* * * * *

The rest of the evening passed perfectly.

Or rather, Rimmer thought the rest of the evening passed perfectly. The rest of his meals came out perfectly; the officers laughed at his jokes and apparently shared a similar interest in 19 century telegraph poles.

Rimmer didn't even think it was going too perfectly. He just thought all his good fortunes had come at once.

At the end of the evening, Captain Hollister declared he wished to make a speech. _This is it! _Rimmer thought to himself gleefully. _He's going to make me an officer. And after only 14 years, too! Only 14!_

"Rimmer," the Captain began, "It has been a great pleasure to have you here tonight. It's been a laugh…literally," he muttered under his breath.

"Thank you, sir.' Rimmer replied formally, considering doing another Rimmer Salute before deciding against it. _Might be a bit over the top. _He thought.

"And before I dismiss you all," Hollister continued, "I'd just like to mention to Rimmer here…"

_This is it! _Rimmer thought, mentally running though his thank you speech, which incidentally went for a whole 23 minutes.

"I'd just like to mention," He repeated, "to Rimmer here, that…" he paused again, for effect, "Gazpacho Soup is actually served cold."

The entire table erupted with laughter and Rimmer found himself almost immediately crying with disappointment and embarrassment.

"Yeah…well…" he tried to think of some witty counter argument. "I don't like my soup cold…" he finished lamely, causing everyone to laugh even harder.

"I never wanted to be an officer, anyway!" he lied, before cowardly running away.

The echoes of the laughter haunting him all the way back to his room.

* * * * *

Thankfully, when Rimmer arrived in his quarters, his roommate Lister was still out. _Probably having a good time._ Rimmer thought, sadly.

He got changed slowly and flopped down onto his bunk. He knew that as long as he lived he would remember this night as the worst night of his life. And that was including some pretty bad nights.

As Rimmer scribbled the words 'Gazpacho Soup Day' in his diary, he vowed to himself that he would never reveal to anyone what had happened. Never in his whole life.

Luckily, his whole life would only last a couple more days. And only in 3 million years time would the words 'Gazpacho Soup' come back to haunt him.


End file.
